With people living longer than ever
before, more and more individuals
find themselves sandwiched between
caring for their children and caring for
their aging parents.
Coping with our fast-paced,
always-connected world is stressful
enough, but when you add double or
triple the family responsibilities, well,
it quickly gets overwhelming.
You’re probably losing time and
energy worrying about things that
aren’t getting done or things you have
to do next. You may not realize just
how much physical and mental stress
you are under, or how much that has
been sapping your effectiveness at
work and at home. Guilt may be a
constant companion. While you take
care of your parents, you may feel
that you’re not doing enough for your
children, and vice versa.
You may experience feelings of
grief and loss, as you see your parents
changing and the roles of your family
shifting. You may also feel fearful and
anxious about your parent’s mortality,
and that gets you thinking about
your own.
With all of the extra time you need
to take care of others, there is less
time—if any—to spend on yourself
and the things that recharge you.
Here are five ways to take care of
yourself while taking care of your
aging parents.
1. First, meet your own needs.
You can’t help anyone else if you are
so sapped of energy and joy that you
are miserable and lifeless. Block out
time every day for something that’s
just for you. Give equal attention to
your emotional, spiritual and physical
needs. Protect that time as your most
important appointment—because it is!
2. Get support for your parents.
Seek out government and community
resources for home care, medications,
support groups, mobility aids and
adaptive equipment. Keep organized
records of your parents’ medical
history, as well as the contact
information and recommendations of
everyone you consult with. You will
rest easier knowing that professionals
are involved and you’re not trying
to make decisions that you’re not
qualified to make.
3. Get support for yourself.
Reach out to supportive friends or
family members; even a short phone
call can give you a much-needed lift.
Also, seek out a support group, or
individual therapy or counseling.
4. Banish guilt. Accept that you’re
doing your best and acknowledge
the efforts you’re making. Actually
list them on paper if you need to! If
you notice yourself feeling guilty, ask
yourself if you would want someone
in the same situation as yours to feel
guilty. The answer, certainly, is no.
5. Celebrate life and family.
As your family changes, focus on
remembering and sharing positive
memories of your life together. Also,
create new rituals and traditions
that everyone can participate in, such
as sing-alongs, games, crafts or
nature walks.
Start right now with even one
of these strategies. It will feel like
a breath of fresh air, loosening the
grip of your tightly packed life and
infusing your entire family with
renewed energy and joy**
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
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